Discipline and reproof. Does any one of us truly enjoy it?
And, yet the scriptures speak to its benefit when under the hand of the LORD (or sometimes a parent).
A few examples, primarily from Solomon and Proverbs and one from Ephesians. Then, we will look at a text from Hebrews.
[Proverbs 3:11 NASB95] 11 My son, do not reject the discipline of the LORD Or loathe His reproof,
[Proverbs 12:1 NASB95] 1 Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, But he who hates reproof is stupid.
[Proverbs 13:1, 18 NASB95] 1 A wise son [accepts his] father’s discipline, But a scoffer does not listen to rebuke (reproof).
… 18 Poverty and shame [will come] to him who neglects discipline, But he who regards reproof will be honored.
[Proverbs 15:5, 32 NASB95] 5 A fool rejects his father’s discipline, But he who regards reproof is sensible.
… 32 He who neglects discipline despises himself, But he who listens to reproof acquires understanding.
[Proverbs 19:18 NASB95] 18 Discipline your son while there is hope, And do not desire his death.
[Proverbs 22:15 NASB95] 15 Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; The rod of discipline will remove it far from him.
[Ephesians 6:4 NASB95] 4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
It is very interesting to note that these proverbs usually tie discipline to reproof. I think there is a reason for this. We “hear” discipline and think of it as forced correction or “punishment” involved for wrongdoing or disobedience. It is easy to move in, and to mete out, discipline. And, for one to be forced to receive it. Reproof however is where the wisdom and understanding lie and come into play. To reprove is to confront directly, but gently and with kindly intent. It is where the true learning is, and where change is initiated, if it is received. As we consider these couplets in proverbs, the disapproval may be strong, requiring discipline, but it is in listening to the reproof that brings wisdom and understanding. The finding of fault and guilt is not the point! Correction of the course we are taking, of behavior, and change from gaining wisdom and understanding is.
Are you aware of the benefits of getting a little spanking motivated by a Father’s love? I must say, I have been aware of it many times, as a child of my parents, and as a son/child of God (as an adult). And, it was never, what I would call, truly enjoyable. But it has gotten my attention, and has turned my heart toward Father God/,father,mother, and His/his/her love, and toward right and righteousness. Learning by it, and its rewards, have shaped, and continue to shape, me in turning towards Him as I see His love and concern for my good.
Just a note on my own experience having to dish out discipline and reproof as a dad, as a business manager, and as a pastoral/leader/elder over the years:
As a parent, my kids (who are all adults now) received a spanking (corporeal punishment -generally by belt, and never my hand because I wanted my hand to communicate caress and love) for two things. Lying, not suspected but caught provable lying, and direct disobedience (as in; me telling or asking them directly not to do something, and then them going right on to do that thing or behavior). These events, and I tended to turn them into events by the process (a trip to the bedroom or private place, bending over, etc . etc) so they could understand the seriousness of the lie, their integrity, or their disobedience, were always followed by hugs, kisses, and conversations about love and care for them, and what could be learned from this situation and the event. (The will generally, begins to show itself at about 2 or 3, and dealing with it early is much easier than later) Exercised early in their lives to break their will, not their spirit, leaving their Spirit intact and them confident of my love for them, and confident of our trust in each other, discipline served us and our family well, saving us much headache with exercised will later in adolescence. And, it resulted in children of respect, generally good character and integrity, and with a good understanding of how to appeal to authority properly without revolution and rebellion. Were they perfect kids? No! Did they grow up into perfect people? No! Were they above average and of strong character and values? You can be the judge of that, if you know them. But, I am very honored by them, by far and in large part. Mostly honored that they know Him, love Him, and most are trying to walk with Him as adults. By His grace, not my excellent parenting, they have acquired much grace, wisdom, understanding, and honor among their peers, I think in part due to His discipline, even if early on at my hands… I mean belt.
As a manager of broadcast facilities for many years, I was involved a great deal in hiring and ….occasionally disciplining,… and then, not too often, if improvements weren’t accomplished, firing people.
I found when dealing with adult, at-will employees, clear and documented communication was key. As a general manager I managed both on-air talent, and sales staff. This sometimes required different approaches. And, different approaches to different persons/personalities. What motivates one will not motivate another sometimes But in either area, clear communication of what was expected and desired was key. And, I don’t mean just clear to me that I communicated it, but clear to the point that we both understood clearly the expectations and desires. And, the employee understood that I was on the team, with and for them, to help if they needed it. When I first started managing I was quite young myself, and wanted everyone to like me, so rather than demand things I would approach as a friend saying something along the lines of “Tom , if you can, it would be great if I could get this later today”. It was clear, I thought, and wasn’t too demanding. It also rarely worked, I rarely got what I wanted when I needed it. I found performance meets your expectations with adults. So, I learned, for results, I had to be more clear and direct in my management style; “Tom, I want this on my desk at 3 today”. Generally that worked well. I still maintained a friendly basis to the relationship because I gave an opportunity for conversation about appealing, or for a good excuse. I’m still here to serve and help. In fact, in most cases the “friends” aspect was enhanced because communication was clear and specific, leaving little room for misunderstanding.
I also understood a biblical principle that I applied in managing. While the world was reading dress for success and learning IBM winning through intimidation. I was applying the biblical principle that submission is gained by love. God doesn’t force us to do, or into, anything. He loves us into doing what is His desire and is in His purpose. Will He discipline us? Yes! Force us? Unlikely, although the consequences may have us rethink disobedience or complying, as what He desires is generally for your good and the blessing comes our of a response of obedience.
Communication that is direct and/or requiring of us can be delivered, and received, as from a tyrant. Or, it can be delivered, and received, as direction and wise counsel, and help in decision making, from one that loves and cares about you.
[Proverbs 15:1 NASB95] 1 A gentle answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger.
[Proverbs 16:24 NASB95] 24 Pleasant words are a honeycomb, Sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.
[Proverbs 27:9 NASB95] 9 Oil and perfume make the heart glad, So a man’s counsel is sweet to his friend.
Finally, as one that has been involved in house church for far more than a decade, I can tell you I have no heart for hierarchy whatsoever. But, also as one that functioned in more traditional church “leadership” situations for a number of years, I was involved a few times in what is called “church discipline”, and once or twice in removing one from fellowship for a time. Let me just communicate that the approach to this is not, and cannot be, from punishment for an offender. It must be from love and concern for the offender, and for the protection of other saints. And, the goal is always…ALWAYS…restoration. RESTORATION to fellowship, and restoration to relationship in good standing with God and with brothers. I will not go into a long biblical explanation here. This discipline should be rare, and unnecessary, if we are loving and serving one another well as His body. But the goal in confronting your brother or your sister, should it be necessary, is always reconciliation and restoration of relationship.
All that shared. Let us consider what the writer to the Hebrews had to say regarding discipline. It is based in a Father’s love of His son(s).
[Hebrews 12:1-11 NASB95] 1 Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, 2 fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3 For consider Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. 4 You have not yet resisted to the point of shedding blood in your striving against sin; 5 and you have forgotten the exhortation which is addressed to you as sons, “MY SON, DO NOT REGARD LIGHTLY THE DISCIPLINE OF THE LORD, NOR FAINT WHEN YOU ARE REPROVED BY HIM; 6 FOR THOSE WHOM THE LORD LOVES HE DISCIPLINES, AND HE SCOURGES EVERY SON WHOM HE RECEIVES.” 7 It is for discipline that you endure; God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom [his] father does not discipline? 8 But if you are without discipline, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. 9 Furthermore, we had earthly fathers to discipline us, and we respected them; shall we not much rather be subject to the Father of spirits, and live? 10 For they disciplined us for a short time as seemed best to them, but He [disciplines us] for [our] good, so that we may share His holiness. 11 All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness.
The exposition here first makes reference to all those who moved in faith in obedience to God who have gone before, a great cloud of witnesses, he has just numbered in chapter 11. Then he asks us to set our eyes on Jesus the author and perfecter/completer of the faith who, for the “joy set before Him”, endured the suffering and shame that was rightfully ours, and has now come into the glory of being seated at the right hand of the Father. It was His joy to suffer, not just to be seated and restored to glory, but to bring many sons of faith to His Father, and please Him in His purpose.
He then exhorts us regarding the benefits of discipline and reproof under the Fathers love and loving hands. The first benefit is that this discipline is a sign of our acceptance as sons, and of His love for us, quoting an exhortation that was familiar to them:
MY SON DO NOT REGARD LIGHTLY THE DISCIPLINE OF THE LORD, NOR FAINT WHEN YOU ARE REPROVED BY HIM; 6 FOR THOSE WHOM THE LORD LOVES HE DISCIPLINES.
Again, he appeals to understanding the sign of being a son that comes under discipline in love is, in fact making the curious statement that “it is for discipline that we endure. I think indicating by that statement it is by and through discipline, at His hand,we learn and grow. He comes directly to the point with “God deals with you as with sons;“, He couldn’t be more clear about the point of being sons. And, then rhetorically asks; for what son is there whom [his] father does not discipline?
His next point is even more clear. if you are without discipline, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate children and not sons.
Think about it. Do you discipline other people’s children? No. But, you discipline your own children. So his point is that if you are not receiving some discipline and reproof from time to time from Father God, you may want to ask if you are legitimately His son
May this put us in mind of our Lord Jesus of whom this author earlier wrote: [Hebrews 5:8-9 NASB95] 8 Although He was a Son, He learned obedience from the things which He suffered. 9 And having been made perfect, He became to all those who obey Him the source of eternal salvation
If He, as the only begotten Son of God, suffered and learned as man, should we expect something different?
There is, then, an appeal to consider the discipline of earthly fathers who did what they thought seemed best for our good. But, our Heavenly Father is working in us, not just for our “good”. But, for us to share His character; so that we may share His holiness. Wow! Astounding that He would, in His love, want us to be transformed into sharing one of His attributes that seems so far removed from what we often see we are. But, we should not be surprised too much, as it is the exhibition of the fullness of His love in Christ that He is out to show through us as well.
Finally appealing to our emotions he relates that discipline can seem sorrowful, not joyful. But, understanding that we are sons, that we are loved, in the midst of it, can fill us peace that He is growing, showing, and sharing with others, His fruit of righteousness through us, and in how He deals with us, as sons.
[Galatians 4:4-7 NASB95] 4 But when the fullness of the time came, God sent forth His Son, born of a woman, born under the Law, 5 so that He might redeem those who were under the Law, that we might receive the adoption as sons. 6 Because you are sons, God has sent forth the Spirit of His Son into our hearts, crying, “Abba! Father!” 7 Therefore you are no longer a slave, but a son; and if a son, then an heir through God.
[Romans 8:14-19 NASB95] 14 For all who are being led by the Spirit of God, these are sons of God. 15 For you have not received a spirit of slavery leading to fear again, but you have received a spirit of adoption as sons by which we cry out, “Abba! Father!” 16 The Spirit Himself testifies with our spirit that we are children of God, 17 and if children, heirs also, heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with [Him] so that we may also be glorified with [Him.] 18 For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us. 19 For the anxious longing of the creation waits eagerly for the revealing of the sons of God.