I generally feel no obligation to write about secular calendar holidays in this space. But often will at least give a nod to certain so-called Christian holidays or festivals that have been awarded calendar notices. So with that, this post is not so much about Fathers Day, but about Fathering to some degree.
As one who is the product of a dysfunctional family in which divorce became a reality when I was 10, and a childhood greatly affected by my dad’s temperament and his unfortunate alcoholism, I was never given a very direct example or representation of what a father could, or perhaps, should be. But then, neither did my dad, whose father was also alcoholic and abusive, ever have one. Please don’t get me wrong. I know my dad loved me as much as his addiction could allow him to, but it drove him to many choices and responses to situations, and outbursts and behavior, I know he later regretted, but were unfortunately sealed into my young memories. That is not to say there were no good times in my childhood and adolescent years, but memories of those good times are fogged by many that most would find a bit horrific. He did teach me a strong work ethic, and never-give-up persistence and picking yourself up from failure to try again, and he always provided fairly well. And, he was extravagant toward me in gifting in my teen years (motorcycles/59 Corvette/and more. Unfortunately, probably making an attempt to give me stuff in order to make up for what he felt he had taken away in childhood, and because he could in those years. Many years ago I wrote him a letter and we discussed this and worked through some forgiveness and restoration of the relationship releasing him from this burden.) From my 20’s forward we had a fairly good,if not distant relationship, because the Lord moved me and my family around a lot with my radio jobs and ministry opportunities. I never expected to be my dad’s caregiver, but he spent the last 5 years of his life under my roof, and I came to know a better man than I had ever known, and I am grateful for the opportunity the Lord gave us in those years.
Enough on those experiences. I became a father of 3 and learned fatherhood through on the job training, as do we all. I was committed that I would be a better father than what I experienced. Not, perhaps, the best father ever; that seemed a bit too lofty, I think. But a better one. And, fortunately I had met a few over the years I thought I might want to pattern after.
And, in my senior year in High School I became a Christian, and through Jesus the Son, I came to know the Best, Holy, and Eternal Father.
I have always been amazed, blessed, and intrigued that when Jesus taught us to pray, in the Lord’s prayer, He opens with:
[Matthew 6:9 NASB95] 9 “Pray, then, in this way: ‘Our Father who is in heaven, Hallowed be Your name.
The first order in approaching God with your, or any, supplication is recognizing the relationship we are in with Him. These words “Our Father” are very revealing. The word “Our” first puts us in relationship with each other. We are a corporate group. But, not just any group. We are family! We are related to one another! And that naturally leads us to the word “Father”. We are related to one another through our common Father, the source and origin of our beginning. Without Him each one does not exist, and we certainly do not exist as family. How wonderful and extraordinary that Jesus, before teaching us to pray focused on His will and then making our supplications for provision and deliverance, emphasizes our being in familial relationship with the Father and with each other. Knowing we have a Father “who is in heaven” gives us a standing in love as His children that is simply incredible. We, as His children, are carrying His name. Just as my kids are all Jordan’s and represent that heritage and legacy, so are we carrying and representing His name. Hence “Hallowed“, or separated/acknowledged/consecrated/dedicated, is your name. And so are we to carry it. This should give us pause in consideration of the responsibility to honor Our Father and make Him and His love known.
[1John 3:1 NASB95] 1 See how great a love the Father has bestowed on us, that we would be called children of God; and [such] we are. For this reason the world does not know us, because it did not know Him.
Although, through Jesus the Son, I came to know the Best, Holy, and Eternal Father at 18 and that certainly made all the difference, it did not zap me into perfection as a father to my kids. Would that it were so, but I repeated many of my own fathers mistakes. Although I avoided addiction to alcohol or drugs, and even tobacco. I still found myself displaying some of my earthly fathers nature. I was too busy, workaholic, self focused on what I was doing, where I was going, and what I wanted. I was often far too angry, about what amounts to nothing, in front of my children. And I lived life too angry too often. Now, lest you think me a total ogre, let me say, my kids love(d) me, still do. I raised them in the way of the Lord. I know they appreciate me as their dad. They probably think I am a bit dysfunctional, but they certainly have gleaned some moments of inspiration and good and Godly counsel.
But, being a father is difficult. It is walking a tightrope anchored at one end to unfailing love, care and concern, and commitment; and at the other post to discipline, correction, requiring obedience as the outworking of love, and understanding you must allow some pain/suffering because quick deliverance doesn’t really help or teach; but enables and encourages more wrong choices. Oh, the dilemmas and choices a father faces, and the wisdom needed to make them and do fathering well! If that won’t drive you to the Lord for help, I am not sure what will! Rest assured He has this tightrope walk down. The scripture shows us examples, over and over, in His dealing with His children/people, of His love requiring obedience for our good, His grace in our failure, as well as His just judgment allowing difficulty with the end, or outworking, being to bring restoration and reconciliation.
David records a deep understanding of the nature of God in Fatherhood in Psalm 103. Or, what some have referred to, in our times as, the Fatherhood and Father Heart of God.
[Psalm 103:13-18 NASB95] 13 Just as a father has compassion on [his] children, So the LORD has compassion on those who fear Him. 14 For He Himself knows our frame; He is mindful that we are [but] dust. 15 As for man, his days are like grass; As a flower of the field, so he flourishes. 16 When the wind has passed over it, it is no more, And its place acknowledges it no longer. 17 But the lovingkindness of the LORD is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear Him, And His righteousness to children’s children, 18 To those who keep His covenant And remember His precepts to do them.
If you are a father, you know the frustration caused by what Dr. James Dobson referred to as “childish irresponsibility”. The stuff you’d like to discipline for, but shouldn’t. The spilled glass of milk, the pushed out door screen, the….list goes on. Stuff that comes because the immature irresponsible child has not learned not to do that because it damages stuff, or they haven’t learned to be careful with that or this. Irresponsible behavior will be corrected, in the most part, through a bit of education and experience, and by your training them.
As a father, you also, unfortunately, know the great disappointment that comes from what Dobson termed “direct disobedience”. This comes out of those things that your child has been told directly and taught not to do, and perhaps several times, and they make the decision and determination to express their will, and test your authority and sovereignty, and go right on and do them. They generally know the consequences of disobedience you have outlined, but simply decide that doesn’t matter. This does require discipline (see Proverbs 22:5)
I bring this out here, only for the sake of those who have never considered the difference between childish irresponsibility and direct disobedience. (Read Dobson’s book Dare to Discipline for all the details.) It is helpful to understand this difference as a father, who like God deals with us on the basis of compassion and just judgment. The compassion and grace, and the judgement and discipline, both coming out of a father’s love and looking for a response of obedience, also out of love, from the child.
Here in Psalm 103 David, who has experienced God’s great grace, tells us in verse 13 that just as a father has compassion on children, So does the LORD have compassion (deep love, mercy, tender affection) … But, please note he does not say on His children” ,but He has compassion “on those that fear Him.” We will look at what to “fear Him” means in a moment.
First let’s consider that the God of the universe is able to see us a child with a severe case of childish irresponsibility. David indicates, in verse 14, that God is mindful that we are of weak frame and but dust. And, in verse 15, that we exist in brevity on earth as grass or flowers that are glorious for a time and flourishing, and the warm winds wither us quickly. These descriptions are not the most flattering, and could leave you wondering why we are the object of His everlasting love. But, in Jesus we are, and let us thank God, that as a compassionate father, He so often takes our frailty and weakness into account when he deals with us.
The Lord does not always handle us gently, but He does deal with us compassionately as a father, as Our Father.
Although there is a corporate aspect indicated in being Our Father, every good father knows his children intimately and individually, and deals with us in that knowledge. Looking at our age, maturity, temperament, limitations, where we are, and what is going on with us. He knows how much you can stand or take, and what may be your breaking point. He knows you better than you may know yourself. What is more? He knows what His plans are for you, and what He is working into you for His good pleasure.
And, although David points to our frailty, weakness, and the brevity of our life, he also points, in verse 17, to the Lord’s lovingkindness which he calls everlasting in juxtaposition to our brevity. In fact he speaks of the never ending nature of this lovingkindness (goodness, faithfulness, kindness) saying it goes on from “everlasting to everlasting”. And, then extends the brevity of our life, to some degree, by drawing the line of this everlasting righteousness in lovingkindness extending it to our children and their children.
But again, this loving kindness that is everlasting to everlasting is not extended just on the basis of our being His children, but “on those that fear Him”. And His righteousness extending to those that keep His covenant, and remember His precepts to do them”
Keeping in mind that David was contextually writing as a Jew to Jews under the law, and lest we place ourselves under such legal requirements again, we must visit and define what it means to “fear Him“. Are we to quake in fear in our relationship to “Our Father”? I think not. To fear Him is often defined in Christianese terms as to have reverential awe. And, that may be true. I do think the fear here involves reverence for “Our Father”. But reverence in the sense of honor for, simply honoring Him, as we found in the Lord’s prayer at hallowed be your Name. It means to hold Him and ourselves separated/acknowledged/consecrated/dedicated unto His purposes. David defines “fear Him” for us in verse 18 when he says “those who keep His covenant And remember His precepts to do them.” To fear God is to know Him as Father and love Him, and as a response to the fullness of His love, respond in obedience to Him inspired by the desire to know His word/precepts and do what He asks you to do. If you don’t know Him as Father, or comprehend the fullness of His love in Christ, you can’t obey Him. You can only respond with a form of religion based in rote, rather than familial relationship.
I have often said: To the degree that you comprehend the fullness of God’s love for you in Christ Jesus; to that same degree will you bow the knee (obey) and see/express the Kingdom of God (living under the Lordship of Jesus, and pleasing the Father).
I have also often shared John 14:21 revealing the “blessed circle” as opposed to the “vicious circle”.
[John 14:21 NASB95] 21 “He who has My commandments and keeps them is the one who loves Me; and he who loves Me will be loved by My Father, and I will love him and will disclose Myself to him.”.
If you have His commandments (not only just the 10, or the written, or the New, by way of rote religion) but by hearing Him in relationship and keep or do them, you show your love for Him by your obedience/actions. The result is that you are loved by the Father, you are loved by the Son, and Jesus reveals/discloses more of Himself to you that you may know Him more, and obey what He asks you to do in co-laboring with or in Him. And the blessed circle continues again.
So fearing God, to know Him as Father and love Him, and as a response to the fullness of His love, to respond in obedience to Him, is truly the way to experience and understand the Fatherhood or Father Heart of God.
These verses from Psalm 103 can be mined for more on understanding of the compassion God as a Father to those that fear Him.
[Psalm 103:8-12 NASB95] 8 The LORD is compassionate and gracious, Slow to anger and abounding in lovingkindness. 9 He will not always strive [with us,] Nor will He keep [His anger] forever. 10 He has not dealt with us according to our sins, Nor rewarded us according to our iniquities. 11 For as high as the heavens are above the earth, So great is His lovingkindness toward those who fear Him. 12 As far as the east is from the west, So far has He removed our transgressions from us.
– He is compassionate (having deep love/tender affection), extending grace and slow to anger (patient, He has a long fuse) , abundant in lovingkindness (faithfulness/goodness). He can get angry, but it takes a great deal to exhaust His abundant lovingkindness
– He will not strive with us. That is He will not accuse us over and over, but will deal faithfully working in character and obedience.
– He will not hold onto anger forever keeping score of wrongs. If He did, who could stand before Him. He will not keep throwing past failure up to you.
– At this point, He has not dealt with us according to what we might deserve or owe. His love in Jesus has covered a multitude of (all our) sins
-Lovingkindness (faithfulness/goodness) is exalted It is high and broad and covers us like the sky in Jesus. And transgression has been removed. Once dealt with in Jesus, it has been put out of sight and cannot be pursued.
–Again this is all, for the most part, qualified by toward those who fear Him.
As a father of three, and now watching my son with his five sons, I can tell you the affirmation of a father is powerful. So is the loving correction of a father. But, affirmation is what we truly desire and thrive upon. We all long for it, and have great need of it. Sometimes, pain may be in the offering and purpose of the Father, but the end of suffering is joy and His affirmation. Jesus, in beginning His ministry, had clear affirmation regarding the Father’s pleasure at His obedience to fulfill all righteousness in the Father’s purpose.
Consider these scriptures
[Matthew 3:16-17 NASB95] 16 After being baptized, Jesus came up immediately from the water; and behold, the heavens were opened, and he saw the Spirit of God descending as a dove [and] lighting on Him, 17 and behold, a voice out of the heavens said, “This is My beloved Son, in whom I am well-pleased.”
Now perhaps imagine hearing that affirmation from “Our Father” who is in heaven as Jesus did.
[Philippians 2:8-9 NASB95] 8 Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. 9 For this reason also, God highly exalted Him, and bestowed on Him the name which is above every name,
Sometimes, pain/suffering may be in the offering and purpose of the Father, but the end of it is joy and His affirmation. And suffering and glory go hand in hand.
[Hebrews 12:1-3 NASB95] 1….., let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, 2 fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3 For consider Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.
God is at work in you! Do not lose heart! Your Father has not forgotten you and will give you strength.
Finally, if you have not been enjoying the full measure of “Our Father”‘s love. If you have been missing the joy of the fullness of the Fathers love and affirmation because of areas where He has made an issue of obedience and you remain in disobedience, or areas of unbelief that have led to doubting His goodness and love desiring the best for you. He wants you to know, you can leave the pig pen and come home. He will throw a party killing the fatted calf and dressing you in robes of righteousness, the shoes of Good News, and giving you rings of authority.
[Luke 15:17-24 NASB95] 17 “But when he came to his senses, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired men have more than enough bread, but I am dying here with hunger! 18 ‘I will get up and go to my father, and will say to him, “Father, I have sinned against heaven, and in your sight; 19 I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me as one of your hired men.”‘ 20 “So he got up and came to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion [for him,] and ran and embraced him and kissed him. 21 “And the son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and in your sight; I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’ 22 “But the father said to his slaves, ‘Quickly bring out the best robe and put it on him, and put a ring on his hand and sandals on his feet; 23 and bring the fattened calf, kill it, and let us eat and celebrate; 24 for this son of mine was dead and has come to life again; he was lost and has been found.’ And they began to celebrate.
WOW! THE FATHER HEART OF GOD!