On this valentines day:
Some holidays seem to have little more reason than as creations for inspiring commercial enterprise. Valentine’s day may well be one of those. Flower, jewelry, candy, and card sellers and restaurants all enjoy brisk business. But then, perhaps, any reason for sharing and encouraging the love of others seems close to the heart of the gospel and God. For God so loved the world that He gave…! So I don’t protest too much.
My oldest daughter Lael, re-posted online today, something I had written, and posted, back in 2015, some 11 years ago on Valentine’s day. I’m not certain, but I’m pretty sure I probably posted it on other Valentine’s days before and, most probably,some after, 2015 because I generally find some inspiration to share something about the nature of Biblical love at this time of celebration. I do so because our culture seems hard pressed to know what true love is. And, because the discovery of what Biblical love is, and understanding it, made such a difference to Mary and I in our relationship.
We started pursuing one another seriously while making finger sandwiches preparing for her oldest sister’s wedding two days before Valentine’s day 1972, 54 years ago. She was 16 and I was 19 as our hands joined in turkey salad. We will celebrate 54 years of marriage in December, married just after she turned 17 and I 20, because the judge would not sign off on our license to marry until she was 17. But, it wasn’t until about 5 years into our marriage, after some crisis times, that we discovered and began to understand the nature of Biblical love. It has made all the difference! And, as we have had the opportunity to do premarital counseling for many in advance of my officiating weddings, and in doing counseling for marriages in crisis, in my/our ministry over some 50 years, we have found it has served and made a great difference to so many others.
I will not go into sharing an in depth exposition of Biblical love here , because I have done that before. Instead I will share the re-post my daughter did today: (parenthetical references in blue added for understanding today)
ON LOVE – FOR VALENTINES DAY
Celebrating my 43rd (in 2015) Valentines day with the woman I consider the best gift and best “thing” ever to happen to me. I am so thankful for her, and that we learned early on through some various pains, to choose to love one another every day… every day and always. Believe me, she has had the tougher part in that. Thank you Mary! I love you and I am committed to life with you for life.
In our Western Culture we have a complete misconception of love. We think love is about warm fuzzies, romance. Or worse yet, love is about physical attraction/sex. We also live in a consumer driven culture where everything, unfortunately including people and relationships, is discarded when we have used them for what we wanted.
True love is not a consumable item! It is an investment that requires all that you are and all that you have. It is not give and take, nor a 50/50 proposition! It is all give, and is active and requiring (requires much of us).
True love is based in commitment, which is closely related to faithfulness in the nature and character of God, if you come from a Biblical worldview, like I do.
Love is a decision of the will, not an emotion or warm fuzzies. It is the decision to act toward a person, group, or situation in a particular way no matter what because you know that is what God has asked you to do from my perspective (a Biblical worldview). (Or because you know it is the right thing to do – from a secular paradigm).
As such, it is a response of obedience to God (- again in my Biblical worldview perspective; or to your own conscience in a more secular mindset).
That is why, again from a Biblical perspective, Love is commanded –
Love the Lord your God (Matthew 22:37, Mark 12:30, Luke 10:27.)
Love your neighbor as yourself (Matthew 19:19, 22:39, Mark 12:31, Galatians 5:14, James 2:8).
Love your enemies (Matthew 5:44, Luke 6:27).
Husbands love your wives (Ephesians 5:25, Colossians 3:19).
(These are just few of the commands to love in the scriptures that I mentioned in the original post, But, let us not forget others like Jesus’ only new commandment [John 13:34 NASB95] 34 “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another.)
Love is not always convenient or painless. In fact it is often measured in purest form by self sacrifice. The sooner a man or woman understands that Love is totally related to commitment – No Matter What! And, is a decision of the will. The sooner they can be/will be empowered to be committed/faithful to others (…and may I add…. even when those others are faithless (or unfaithful).
Don’t get me wrong! Romance, warm fuzzies, and great sex are wonderful experiences. But they will fade outside of your commitment, decision of the will, to actively love a person because of Someone/something larger than yourself.
I hope this helps someone today. It has served me, and many that I know, well over the years.
If you are single and desire a relationship, may I encourage you to stop looking so much for perfect romance, warm fuzzies, or simple physical attraction. Seek (God’s direction to ) someone whom (He wants you) to make that kind of 100% No Matter What commitment to, and (someone) who can, and will, make that commitment to you (based upon His direction). You will find the warm fuzzies and romance will follow the response of obedience and decision of your will to love.
It is 11 years farther down the road, and I still find this understanding and defining of Biblical love as
the decision to act toward a person, group, or situation in a particular way no matter what because you know that is what God has asked you to do.
is still accurate, functionally correct, and represents most closely what we would call the agape love of God, that is based covenant commitment. Even, to the point of loving enemies, the unlovely, and the unfaithful, which we are commanded to do.
May we find the Holy Spirit enabling and empowering us to love in obedience to what God asks of us and the New Commandment Jesus gave us.
